I JUST WANT TO MAKE FUCKING RADIO JINGLES

I took a lunch break today.

Everything was under control! I took half an hour and I went for a walk in the sun. I bought some cranberry juice and some iron tablets and some tampons, because my body is confused and my period came a week early. Fabulous. Fine. Whatever.

Then I bumped into someone in reception and we had an impromptu meeting. It was great.

I went back to my emails and had to go through a string of stuff to figure out exactly what was required. It was one of those FW: FW: FW: RE:RE: FW: situations.

Then my boss was on a shitting rampage because her boss is the boss of everything is was kicking the crap out of her. So she had a go at me. I fixed whatever it was, once I'd read a few more FW: FW: RE: RE emails and we had a meeting. She flung a load of pressure on to demo up some audio for this huge sponsorship and get an answer from a couple of her peers, both who want different things from it.

The client isn't even sure about the thing we're debating.

Anyway, today seemed OK for a minute, then I realised my old boss had left, my closest colleague had a WHOLE day off, seeing as she's fucking exhausted and I felt pretty lonely, pretty vulnerable. So it came my way in the end I guess. My hands physically shake. I can't breathe properly. It's like there's a bubble of FUCK around my head. I can't even write sensibly because I'm dealing with one pile of shit whilst another appears, then I fix it, work on another, make it to a meeting, but the first thing I fixed has gone wrong by the time I get back and NOTHING, NOTHING IS WORKING.

I ran home, calmed down. But then got back on the emails. The audio I was being pressed for hadn't gone over to the client because the sales person didn't understand it. I couldn't edit it from home. I've got to do it first thing in the morning. I will get up at 6am now. I should probably get up sooner because I WAS GOING TO GET UP AT THAT TIME ANYWAY BECAUSE I HAVE OTHER SHIT TO TAKE CARE OF BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE GETS IN AND STARTS HASSLING ME WITH THEIR SHIT.

I don't trust the guys reporting into me to write a script without my looking over it, because if it goes to air and it isn't perfect, my boss will kick the shit out of me, because her boss will kick the shit out of her, and I don't want to kick the shit out of my guys.

I don't feel like I'm making radio. I feel like every day I am just holding my breath, waiting for SOMETHING TO GO WRONG.

ARRRRGGGHHHH!

I JUST WANT TO MAKE FUCKING RADIO JINGLES FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!